reading

In the midst of my disappointment I closed my eyes and attempted to wish the pain away. The feeling of wanting to release the tears that I tried so hard to hold back, were soon about to rush rapidly through my brown eyelids. I couldn’t hold it back any longer, the hard lump of pain that I tried so hard to swallow would not disappear, I let out a loud gasp, and a waterfall of tears soon flew out of my eyes. I realized at that moment I could not hold onto the pain any longer I had to solve this dilemma that I was facing. Learning to read is hard for several people, however I was nine years old, and felt as if I was running out of time. My learning clock was ticking, and if I wanted to make it in time, in order to reach my goal in being placed in honors classes, I knew I would have to do better than what I was doing.

  It seemed as if not being able to read had been a problem that had just popped up in my life. I was wonderful at reading when I was in first grade, but once I approached my fourth year in school, I was beginning to fall behind. I was soon placed in a special reading program, which to me only seemed  embarrassing. Our small group of four to six kids, met once every two days, and worked side by side with an instructor. The instructor took us to the school’s library, and we were allowed to pick a book of our choice. My instructor helped me comprehend each word from cover to cover of every book I laid hands on.

It was on a certain day that taught me, what to truly do with my feelings of disappointment. It started out as an ordinary day in fourth grade, I expressed to my classmates, and friends who were already in honors classes, about my passion, and desire to become enrolled in the honor classes as well. To my surprise they were less than supportive, and most of the children told me that I would not be able to get accepted into the honors classes, because of “I wasn’t smart enough”. I carried their negative words by my side throughout the rest of the day. When I arrived home, I began to think about how far I was coming along in my reading group. I knew that if I truly wanted to take honors classes, I would have to put the time and dedication in enhancing my reading skills. It was in that moment of realization that my possibility of entering into the honors classes seemed higher. Despite what the other kids said, I turned the feeling of disappointment and self defeat into motivation and determination. My fifth grade year approached, and unfortunately I wasn’t accepted into the honors classes, however my reading was much better, and being told that I wasn’t smart enough to achieve my desired goal,  simply created intrinsic motivation for myself.